Egomaniacs, and the people who tolerate them

Today's lesson, a lot of people suck. Talk amongst yourselves...

People can be really selfish, and I'm not exempting myself from that, either. I know it's a natural thing to look out for number one, but I'm also not exaggerating when I say that's not my natural style. Because of my background I've turned into a generally selfless sort of person, but that also means selfless to the extent of letting others run me over. Go ahead! Use me! It's okay. In fact, I insist!

Oy.

Of all my flaws I need to work through this year, this is one of the top three deserving of serious time and attention. Giving of yourself is a great thing. Giving more of yourself than you should isn't. There's a fine line there, and I've never quite recognized it. That's because, I know now, people in my life didn't respect that line with me when I was growing up. They took more from me than they should have.

Whoa, what an understatement!

So it becomes a pattern, that giving. The self gets buried underneath the desire to be overly compliant (because that's how you survived when you were little) until it becomes destructive to one's soul. You let others do as they wish without standing up and saying THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

Enough of that. Enough.

How to harden myself appropriately, without erecting a castle wall is the problem I haven't worked out yet. It's my natural reaction to hole away when life gets rough. It may take a while to figure out exactly how to change that. It'll take a lot of outside help, but I know it's a very doable thing. It'll just take a lot of help and advice along the way.

That's one reason I'm so addicted to self help books. Though a lot of them are the same trite crap repeated over and over, with a different twist added, a few of them actually have kernels of wisdom. Self help books are a pretty good thing, but to tell you the truth, I think I'll have had more than enough of them by the end of this year. At some point it'll be nice not to need that crutch, or maybe just not to need it so regularly.

Another highly recommended bit of advice is to work on expanding your social network and the number of satisfying activities you're involved in. Hence the UUC endeavor, both for the community and the spiritual elements. I think they'll be key to helping me find ways to accomplish worthwhile things that are really helpful to others. It's a satisfying feeling helping other people. It gives you a boost that takes you out of yourself and your own problems, giving you a sense of real worth and purpose. But even with that, there's a line to be drawn, a point at which you're giving all you can. You also have to take good care of yourself.

That's a good thing to end with. Take good care of yourself.